What: The Long Awaited Bring Something to Burn Party
When: Friday, August 17th. 8PM or so
Where: Anderwood
Who: You
Why: Pyromaniacs. R. Us.
We request that you bring at least two things. One thing to burn, and something else, edible, for roasting.
In anticipation of the words, “But I have nothing to burn,” I’ve come up with a list of things that you could burn. I came up with this list while my student was painstakingly summarizing chapter 2 of the abridged version of Huckleberry Finn, so that might explain …everything.
Things you could burn at the Bring Something to Burn Party
~Socks that are beyond mending
~Craft projects you really never will finish
~The (non-metal) contents of your waste basket
~Old love letters from former significant others
~Something symbolic, such as
~~a clock
~~an eraser
~~a pack of cigs
~~McDonald’s #4, supersized
~~a salad
~Last year’s calendar
~A secret
~Applications from universities that you’ve decided not to apply to
~Something decrepit
~Something of no real value
~Something moth-eaten
~Incense
~Notebooks from math class
~A couch
~A candle
~That ancient t-shirt that reminds you, uncomfortably, of 1999
~A pocket dictionary of that language you’ve never actually learned
~Your collection of used paper cups
~A website
~Hostess cupcakes
[Edit] ~Itinerary of an elusive favoured guest that never arrived. (DF, “Becoming unexpectedly famous” does not = “A good excuse for not being in the US in August.”)
Some recommendations for roasting items include:
~Popcorn
~Corn in the husk
~Apples with cinnamon and sugar
~Bacon wrapped asparagus
~Bacon wrapped pineapple
~Bacon wrapped green beans
~Bacon wrapped bacon
~Other, non-bacon “meat” like hotdogs
As always, accommodations can be arranged for you out-of-towners, out-of-staters, expats, and foreigners should you make the trek to the edge of Iowa. 
